Leaders Who Can't Handle Criticism Are the Most Toxic People in the Room

That early leadership experience stuck with me. I learned firsthand that respect isn’t given just because you have a title—it’s earned by how you show up

Leadership in emergency services can be complicated. On the scene of an emergency, there’s no debating or conversation. A person is designated as the incident commander, and they direct the scene and all of the units that respond. The good ones have a calm presence and speak from a centered place. They are confident and competent. The newer ones, or the insecure ones, yell and can be quick-tempered. After the incident, we have an after-action debrief. We go over how the scene played out, and we talk about it. The incident commander may take questions or explain their decisions. Many times, hindsight is present, and we see a better way we could have carried out our jobs. The grounded and centered leader listens from a place of curiosity—not just to help the newer ones learn but to challenge assumptions, refine strategies, and improve team performance. When leaders make it safe for everyone to ask questions and offer feedback, the team gets sharper, more adaptable, and more effective under pressure. The insecure leaders hold their ground and argue (even in the face of being wrong) how ‘right’ they are. It’s sad to watch.

I was 23 when I took my first leadership role. I was young and inexperienced and filled in as a paramedic supervisor on the midnight shift. One night, I was calling the shots. The next, I was back working alongside the same crews. If I had been a cocky know-it-all, they would’ve eaten me alive. Instead, I leaned on the vets, asked for their advice, and listened. Because of that, they had my back when things got rough. (And it did at times.)

Ego vs. Accountability: The Leadership Divide
That early leadership experience stuck with me. I learned firsthand that respect isn’t given just because you have a title—it’s earned by how you show up, listen, and lead under pressure. As an executive coach, I see the same dynamics in leadership teams. The strongest leaders don’t need to be the smartest in the room; they surround themselves with people who challenge them and expose their blind spots. The weak ones? They build an army of yes-men who stroke their egos and keep them insulated from reality. And that’s how bad decisions keep rolling downhill—often fueled by insecurity.

Leaders who can’t take criticism can also create a toxic culture. People stop speaking up, innovation dies, and minor problems fester until they explode. I’ve seen it firsthand. We call people like that ‘screamers’—who think yelling makes them a leader. But the leaders who embrace feedback, even when it stings, make the best calls when it counts.

I’ve worked under both kinds of leaders. The ones who could handle pushback built teams that thrived under pressure. The ones who couldn’t? They made everything harder than it needed to be. They’d rather be right than do what’s best for their team.

One question I ask leaders I coach is: Do you want to be right, or do you want to get it right? The answer will tell you everything you need to know about their leadership style.

True Leadership Is About Responsibility, Not Control
I feel so strongly about this that I say if you can’t handle criticism, you shouldn’t be leading. Period. Leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room—it’s about owning your decisions and being willing to learn. Strong leaders don’t just invite feedback—they set the stage for it. In high-pressure environments, there’s no room for debate in the moment, but that doesn’t mean feedback shouldn’t happen later. A good leader makes it clear: ‘Right now, we execute. Afterward, we debrief.’ They create structured times for reflection, whether it’s a formal after-action review or an informal check-in with the team. When people know there’s a dedicated space for feedback, they don’t need to blurt it out at the wrong time or, worse, hold it in and let problems fester.

So, here’s your challenge: Think about how you handle criticism. Do you listen, or do you get defensive? This week, ask someone you trust to give you honest feedback. No excuses, no justifications—just take it in. Then, do something with it. Real leaders don’t run from criticism. They use it to get better.

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I want to hear from you. How do you handle criticism? Leave a comment or email me, and let’s talk about it.

Be Safe, Stay Strong, and Remain Resilient.

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